Change in the winds
Today, I am angry.
There, I said it. Phew.
When I first started this new blog, I told myself that I’d keep all my posts super professional and writing-focused – no treating this like a personal blog and writing my actual thoughts and feelings. After all, this is my author website and I want to treat it like I would any other job or profession.
Here’s the thing though – I’ve never been very good at conforming to the status quo or ‘doing what I’m supposed to’ in a job. I hate it. That’s why I hate normal office work – it bores me to tears. I just seem to lack whatever gene or thought process it is that makes most people able to show up day after day, do their work, and then go home. Perhaps like me, they also have internal battles about ‘what am I doing with my life? How is this making a difference?’ but they’re just better at hiding it than I am.
Anyway, I digress. I’m angry today for a great many reasons – lack of sleep from the storm last night, people disrespecting my boundaries or not listening when I say no, feeling like my day job has no impact on the world etc etc. Perhaps a large amount of this feeling could be put down to tiredness (anyone else kept awake by that wind last night?!) or leftover emotions from reading Nightbitch, but inside I just feel like…enough. Enough is enough.
I’m tired of making excuses for myself. I’m tired of not getting where I want to go in life. I’m tired of I’m tired of feeling stuck, creatively-speaking.
I need to make a change. I don’t know yet what this change will look like, but I know I need to do something – even if it’s just tiny baby steps to get to where I want to be, I have to do something. Anything to stop feeling like my thoughts are chafing against my own brain.
I’m off to make a coffee and to calm down – but I do already feel slightly better knowing I can use this blog as a creative outlet rather than rigidly sticking to my ‘professional-or-nothing’ approach. I’ve never been very professional anyway.
Have a good Monday, folks.
Do you feel as though you’re ready to make a life change? If so, how are you doing it?